I need a good laugh

Disappointing news has recently come to me, and I am choosing to laugh rather than rant. (Those who know me may be proud of me for that.) So here are three funnies I have pulled from my memory and from my multiple retellings over the years:

1. During my second Sunday as organist of First Presbyterian Church in Houston, I was climbing the learning curve on how the various clergy do their thing in worship. One Associate Pastor had the (bad) habit of scripting nothing and overblowing everything. Everything he did, from prayers to announcements to benedictions to sermons to liturgical segues, were always on two wheels and in constant danger of derailment. So he was praying over the tithes and offerings after they were presented after the Doxology. At some point, he implored God to “help us put on the yoke of Christ – and to strap it on good and tight.”

Now, the choir and I did not know each other as well at that point as we would later on. Had they known that that was “my kind of line,” they all would have glanced my way and seen me a) react in horror, and then b) turn around to laugh uncontrollably.

2. My dear friend and colleague John Yarrington loves to tell funny stories of things that happen in church. He tells of attending the singing Christmas tree pageant at First Baptist Church in Little Rock. Before the program started, he was perusing the program booklet and noting all the committees and so forth that are involved with such a huge undertaking. He reports, “As God is my witness, there was a Tree Erection Committee!”

3. A particular performance of the Dubois Seven Last Words of Christ incorporated a modicum of staging, lighting effects, and costumes.

Plus the string parts played by the organist.

On a synthesizer.

During the final chorus, the lights gradually dimmed, as planned, so that the piece ended in total darkness.

But in the stillness and the darkness, a button on the synthesizer apparently got pressed, and the performance then continued with BOOM, chicka BOOM, chicka BOOM, chicka BOOM…

Because it was dark, the organist could not find the kill button, and so in the midst of BOOM chicka BOOM, there was also the quiet cursing of the organist trying to rectify the situation. Had I been there, I could have died happy, if I hadn’t died of a heart attack from laughing so much.

The next time you see something funny in church, PLEASE make sure I’m there to see it, too. I would appreciate that.