Learning it the hard way

I am a quick study. Once it's learned, it's learned. And it won't be un-learned unless a brick comes in contact with my head in the process. I have learned countless social and emotional lessons the hard way. But when it comes to teaching, I'm happy to report that the number of lessons learned the hard way is ONE. Or so I can remember on this rainy Monday morning:

I once heard a young high school whippersnapper play a very nice public recital. Afterwards, I approached him and told him to let me know if he ever needed anything. You know, the benign sort of stuff that old people say to young people all the time. Well, several days later, he was in touch, asking for organ lessons. I was friends with and had the highest respect for his teacher, and so I told the student that he needed to discuss this with the teacher. LESSON LEARNED: he should discuss this with the teacher before we speak ANY FURTHER.

Well, he did speak with the teacher, but not that day, and I was slow to contact the teacher myself, not knowing what to expect as I made my first journey down that particular path as a teacher. LESSON LEARNED: contact the teacher IMMEDIATELY after student contacts you, no matter what. By the time the teacher and I talked, the teacher felt conspired against and was beyond livid, to the point of threatening suit. I had never seen such anger coming out of such a mild-mannered person before or since. It was profound.

I believe all this was further complicated by something I had said in passing a few days before but meant nothing by, except to fill some awkward silence: "He needs pedal work." LESSON LEARNED: DON'T SAY THAT. But in my defense, I had just played a recital for a bunch of discriminating organists, and my mind was nowhere to be found in the vicinity of my mouth.

That rift is probably permanent. At least it seems so after many years and two letters of apology.

Well, the long story short is that I am still sorry, dear Teacher. I am sorry for my comments and for not knowing what to do. Although I learned this lesson and learned it well, I am sorry that it was learned at the expense of your friendship and trust.

This has remained with me and troubled me for years. (Some would diagnose this as being a Pisces.) But a blog might be a good way to get this off my chest, even though the other party will surely not read it. If it helps another Reader avoid a similar lesson in Hard Knocks, then it was worth it. If it helps me get past the stonewalling, then I'll take it!